Your daily dose of headlines, sarcasm, and selective optimism.
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Our spies are back in the PM’s pocket, because apparently, the Home Ministry was just too mainstream for secret agents. We love moving departments around like we’re rearranging furniture in a rented room—keeps everyone confused and the dust flying
It is truly a modern miracle that a government program can be unanimously passed while the entire opposition is literally walking out the door. We hope the Speaker’s voice was loud enough to reach the empty seats, just in case the furniture wanted to register a vote of dissent. Apparently, Prime Minister Balendra Shah believes in the silent presence theory, proving that showing up to your own party is totally optional if you’re the host.
The government approved the Nepal Government Division of Work Rules, 2083, slashing the number of ministries from 22 down to 18. The Prime Minister’s Office is being made more powerful while the overall administrative structure gets leaner to reduce unnecessary current expenditure. It is a masterclass in administrative slimming—cutting the fat so there are fewer chairs for political appointees to fight over.
In a moment of peak political irony, Pushpa Kamal Dahal 'Prachanda' warned the RSP that having a massive majority is like holding a glass vase while riding a unicycle—one slip and it’s all over. He nostalgically reminded them of 2064 BS, basically saying, "I was the 'It Girl' of politics once too, until I wasn’t." It’s truly touching to see a veteran leader offer directions on how to avoid the very potholes he personally dug and fell into.
We have nearly equal numbers of boys and girls passing, proving that gender doesn't matter when you're all collectively terrified of your parents' reactions. There is a tiny spark of hope that maybe, just maybe, these kids will find jobs here instead of just becoming experts at filling out passport forms.
The National Examination Board has finally released the list of SMS and websites where students can check their SEE results. It’s a bold move to assume the servers won't crash the moment every teenager in Nepal hits "Refresh," but we hope the only thing that actually "loads" is a sense of relief.
The government is launching "Price Transparency Week" starting Monday to stop market fraud and inflation. It’s a bold move to ask shopkeepers to be honest for seven days, as if integrity has an expiration date. We hope that after this week, the only thing remaining "transparent" isn't just the empty space in our wallets. If this works, maybe next month they can try a "No Corruption Fortnight" just for kicks.
Dr. Baburam Bhattarai has officially left his latest party to become a "freelance" revolutionary, because apparently, being a former PM isn't enough of a full-time job. It’s peak Gorkhali comedy to watch a man who helped rewrite the nation’s history spend his retirement years collecting party resignations like they’re loyalty stamps at a trendy coffee shop.
The CIAA has finally filed a corruption case against 14 individuals, including a former Minister, over the Pokhara International Airport project. It seems our leaders thought "international" was just a fancy word for "internationally padded bank accounts."
Prime Minister Balen Shah has called a high-stakes Constitutional Council meeting for today to finally recommend a new Chief Justice. After months of the judiciary running on "safe mode," the government is scrambling to fill the top spot before the legal backlog becomes a sentient entity.
Prime Minister Balen Shah has officially declared war on party-affiliated trade unions, claiming they ruin bureaucracy and schools. He’s promising a "clean and professional" administration, which is political speak for "I’m firing everyone who wears the wrong colored scarf."
There’s a buzz about investigating the property and assets of everyone from former kings and presidents to current ministers and our middle-men. It’s the ultimate "Show Me the Money" moment.