Your daily dose of headlines, sarcasm, and selective optimism.
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The state is generously tossing NPR 320 billion into the bottomless pits of education and health, fully aware that a shiny new budget cannot outrun structural decay. Finance Minister Dr. Swarnim Wagle announced that education bagged a cool NPR 218.3 billion, while healthcare walked away with NPR 101.95 billion to ensure we survive the upcoming fiscal hurdles.
Finance Minister Dr. Swarnim Wagle just dropped a massive 2.124 trillion rupee budget on parliament, claiming it will fundamentally transform our economy. It’s a bold reimagining of our financial landscape, primarily because nobody knows where this imaginary money is actually going to come from. By drastically rewriting the tax codes, the government hopes to spark a glorious economic resurrection out of sheer willpower.
The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has opened up applications for ambassador positions through "open competition," which sounds incredibly progressive until you realize they didn’t bother mentioning which country you’ll actually be sent to. It is the ultimate diplomatic blind date, where qualified citizens can apply to be a global representative and potentially end up either in a glamorous European capital or a literal active war zone.
Our visionary ministries just surrendered over 20 billion rupees back to the treasury because spending money on actual roads and clean water is far too mainstream. The newly merged Infrastructure Development Ministry led the pack in this financial fasting, proving that the absolute safest way to avoid corruption charges is to simply do nothing at all
n an extraordinary act of parliamentary benevolence, Prime Minister Balendra Shah has gracefully agreed to address the House of Representatives within the next seven days. Rastriya Swatantra Party Chief Whip Kabindra Burlakoti broke the thrilling news to the lawmakers, confirming he successfully negotiated this rare sighting with the PM’s secretariat. Parliamentarians are currently practicing their best listening faces, entirely shocked that the head of the executive branch might actually step inside the building where laws are made.
The Troubled Cooperatives Management Committee has pulled back the curtain of secrecy, proudly publishing the names of 1,770 legendary borrowers from three problematic cooperatives. It turns out that getting your money back from Ghedung, Nagarik Kalyan, and Ideal Yamuna is a lot like waiting for a public bus in Kathmandu—it might exist in theory, but you’re better off walking.
The UML secretariat has officially backtracked on its plans to let business mogul Min Bahadur Gurung build them a shiny new headquarters, opting instead to return the controversial gift with a polite "thanks but no thanks." Instead, they are moving back to their old stomping grounds in Balkhu to erect a fresh party fortress from scratch.
Well, it turns out the "Gundu Resort" political retreat isn’t going as smoothly as planned, since even KP Oli's closest allies are now politely pointing toward the exit. It takes a unique kind of political magic for your own General Secretary, Shankar Pokhrel, to suddenly decide the party needs a complete "reboot" while you're still holding the remote.
Our brilliant Infrastructure Ministry has officially banned the registration of new public vehicles across all seven provinces to "fix traffic and pollution." Because apparently, the best way to improve public transport is to ensure there is absolutely no public transport left to use. They didn't even spare electric vehicles, ensuring our green energy transition stays strictly on paper.
In a rare plot twist, the government’s management committee actually returned savings to 304 small depositors from two troubled co-operatives. A total of 88 people from the Agricultural Co-operative and 216 from Shibha Shikhar Multi-Purpose finally got their hard-earned money back. It is truly a modern miracle to see a government committee move faster than a tectonic plate to help ordinary citizens.
Welcome to the Supreme Court, where the drama is juicier than a Bollywood plot and the scheduling takes longer than building a national highway. Senior Justice Sapna Pradhan Malla basically looked at the administrative rejection of her petition and said, "Not on my watch, register this immediately!" Now, Dr. Manoj Kumar Sharma’s grand recommendation for Chief Justice is officially facing a courtroom showdown scheduled for May 24th.
Newly minted Chief Justice Dr. Manoj Kumar Sharma officially took the throne at the Supreme Court after swearing an oath to the President. However, senior-most judge Sapna Pradhan Malla pulled a classic "not present" move, noticeably skipping the welcoming party.