Hoina ke bhako yesto? While most of us are gasping for breath just thinking about walking up the stairs after a heavy plate of buff momos, our own Kami Rita Sherpa has just casually strolled up Mount Everest for the 32nd time!
Thirty-two times, saathi-bhai! He treats the highest peak in the world like it’s a morning walk around Boudha Stupa. Move over Pele, move over Messi—Kami Rita is the ultimate GOAT, and he doesn’t even need a fancy sports drink, just pure dal bhat power, 24 hour!
And hold your dhuk-dhuki, because our sister Lhakpa Sherpa just shattered the snow ceiling by reaching the summit for the 11th time! The "Mountain Queen" is a single mother, a domestic abuse survivor, and a former kitchen porter who literally carried her dreams on her back to become the ultimate Superwoman. If this doesn’t make your Gorkhali blood boil with pride, you need to check your pulse, or maybe go drink some strong marich chiya.
It is time for us to stop clicking likes on Facebook and start opening our wallets.
Our legendary climbers are breaking world records, but their bank accounts are looking emptier than Kathmandu’s roads during Dashain. Since our grand government is always "short of cash" (probably spent it all on VIP fuel allowances), it’s up to us, the 30 million proud Nepalis, to step up.
Let’s do some simple chiya pasal mathematics. To give Kami Rita a stress-free life in Kathmandu, he needs at least Rs 2 lakh a month. With a 4% Fixed Deposit rate, we need a cool Rs 6 crore. If 3 million of us sacrifice just one cup of doodh chiya and contribute Rs 20 each, the fund is ready! For our Queen Lhakpa, who lives in the US, our NRI bideshi brothers and sisters need to wake up. If 200,000 Nepalis in America pitch in just $10 each, we can secure her $5,000 a month for life.
Everest has become a high-altitude comedy show full of trash and traffic jams.
But wait, everything is not beautiful snow and sunshine up there. Everest is turning into a crowded circus. We have traffic jams at 8,000 meters because rich foreign tourists who can’t even hike to Pulchowki want a selfie on the summit.
The mountain is piling up with frozen waste, discarded oxygen cylinders, and empty instant noodle wrappers. Meanwhile, the Nepal Mountaineering Association (NMA), the Everest Summiteers Association (ESA) and countless NGOs are busy holding "seminars" in five-star hotels in Kathmandu. What do they actually do for the climbers? Nobody knows!
We need to charge a million dollars and ban the influencers who leave their garbage behind.
How do we rectify this mess? Simple Gorkhali solutions. First, hike that Everest Permit Fee from $15,000 to a massive $1 million! Let the ultra-rich billionaires pay up. Second, legally mandate that 5% of this fee goes directly into a welfare trust for the Sherpa guides. No middlemen, no bichar-bichar corruption. No Sherpa, no summit—period! Finally, if a climber can't carry their own trash back down, they should be banned for life and sent to clean the Bagmati River.
We are Gorkhalis; we conquered the mountains before they became a tourist commodity. Let's take care of our heroes who risk their lives so others can brag on Instagram.
Jai Nepal!