Thirty-three years. That is how long Nepal has been playing the ultimate game of Cluedo with the Dasdhunga tragedy. It is our very own JFK (Just For Khas) moment, minus the fancy convertible and the Marilyn Monroe rumors. Madan Bhandari and Jibaraj Ashrit went down, and the only guy who walked away was the driver, Amar Lama.
Naturally, in peak Nepali fashion, Amar did a political parkour—joined the Nepali Congress and started a newspaper. But before he could write the ultimate tell-all, our Maoist comrades fast-tracked his retirement with a bullet to the head because he forgot to pay his "People’s Tax." Talk about a killer subscription fee.
The Obama of the Hills
Let’s be real: Madan Bhandari was the Barack Obama of Nepal. Or maybe Obama was just the Madan Bhandari of America. The man could speak. In 1991, he casually defeated Prime Minister Krishna Prasad Bhattarai, a flex so legendary it resonates like Balen Shah cleaning out the comedian Oli in 2026.
"Communism in Nepal is like a buffet—everyone loads their plates, but nobody wants to pay the bill."
Sadly, Bhandari never became PM because the math wasn't mathing for a majority. Instead, Man Mohan Adhikari ran a minority government for a hot minute with the help of the old Pancheys. It took our comrades another decade of strategic whining before they could finally climb into the driver’s seat and properly loot the country.
The Whodunit: RAW, CIA, or Internal EMI?
The Americans still argue over Lee Harvey Oswald. We argue over whether it was RAW, the CIA, Girija Babu’s Congress, or—plots twist—Bhandari’s own UML buddies. Personally? My money is on his own party. Bhandari wasn’t a threat to foreign intelligence or Girija’s daily loot. But he sure was a roadblock for his ambitious underlings.
If he were alive today, Jhallu Nath "Snake Venom" Khanal, Makune, and KP Oli would never have smelled the perfume of Baluwatar. They’d still be drafting press releases in some damp room.
The President, the Perk, and the Party
Enter Bidya Devi Bhandari. She inherited the political legacy, climbed the ranks, and became our first female President. But instead of being the neutral guardian of the nation, she turned the Office of the President into KP Oli’s personal customer care helpline, breaking House rules just to keep her favorite Comrade in power.
Now, Bidya Didi is back in the UML sandbox, getting her membership renewed. Fantastic. But Ayo Gorkhali, if you want to be a ground-level party cadre again, kindly return the taxpayer-funded treats!
A Tale of Two Widows
While Bidya became the undisputed Queen of the UML, Jibaraj Ashrit’s widow was left living in poverty, ignored by the very party her husband died for. It turns out communists only care about equality in their manifestos. The UML has survived for three decades solely by milking Bhandari’s 1990s speeches, yet they never actually investigated his death. Even Bidya Didi forgot the investigation file under her presidential mattress. Instead, she now warns us that the political newbies are a "threat to democracy." Hypocrisy, much?
Time to Clear the Building
The Boomers screwed it up, and Gen X politicians like Gagan Thapa, Yogesh Bhattarai and Ram Kumari Jhakri are already too old and compromised to save us. The old parties need to realize the party is over. Pack your bags, leave the pension, and exit the building.
Jai Nepal!