First of all, why on earth does a third-place match even exist in the FIFA World Cup? When two teams tragically crash out in the semifinals, they are already deeply heartbroken, violently depressed, and ready to pack their bags. Instead, FIFA forces them to stay back, marinate in their own misery, and play another meaningless game just to fight over a shiny bronze medal!
You don't see this ridiculous third-place match happening in the prestigious Champions League, do you? I suppose it is marginally helpful if you are trying to win the Golden Boot and desperately need one extra match to extend your goalscoring lead. Yet, even if you win this glorified friendly, there is absolutely nothing to brag about. At the end of the day, winning the actual World Cup trophy is the singular, burning goal for every single one of these elite players.
The French Machine and the Golden Boot
Mbappé will probably head home clutching the Golden Boot once again after ruthlessly scoring twice against the English side, bringing his current tournament tally to an impressive ten goals. To snatch it away, Lionel Messi will need a literal hat-trick, which seems entirely impossible against a terrifyingly disciplined Spain, but then again, Messi is Messi and logic regularly goes out the window.
England miraculously beat France 6-4 in what will surely go down as the most bizarre, chaotic, and unusual match in modern FIFA World Cup history. Even when the English were comfortably up 4-0, we all fully expected Mbappé to come swinging back and equalize. They nearly did, resulting in a chaotic ten-goal fest that reminded our grandfathers of the ancient World Cup matches from the 1960s.
Divine Dialects and Final Relevations
If both England and France had played this brand of beautifully reckless, attacking football earlier, maybe they would both be sitting in the grand finals right now. We cannot continuously blame the coaches the moment a team fails, while the pampered players happily take all the glorious credit for victories. I guess the undeniable truth is that God speaks Spanish, which perfectly explains why we have Argentina and Spain in the finals instead.
The English are now officially third-place winners, marks their best record in sixty long years since they last took the trophy home. They previously lost to Italy in 1990 and Belgium in 2018. When was the last time anyone put six goals past France? The English can take some pride in that bizarre stat, and we wish them better luck next time.
A Glimmer of Hope for the Future
France will undoubtedly come back stronger in the next World Cup cycle, and Mbappé will still be around to terrorize defenders. Perhaps we will witness a historic France versus Spain showdown in 2030, provided they don't accidentally cross paths before the grand finals.
For now, let us wish Messi, Yamal, Argentina, and Spain the absolute best for tomorrow's monumental clash. Will King Messi secure it for Argentina twice in a row, a feat unseen since Brazil's historic run in 1958 and 1962? Or will Spain shatter every record, extending their terrifying 37-match undefeated streak?
Since God clearly speaks Spanish, let us collectively say "Que gane el mejor equipo"—may the best team win!