Long before TikTok filters and viral dances, Nepal had its own version of a superstar: the "Board First" wallah. In the early 90s, when The Rising Nepal was still struggling with black-and-white photography, every household knew the name of Dr. Baburam Bhattarai (BRB). Back then, topping the SLC results was bigger than the Oscars, Grammys, and Nobel Prizes combined.
If a boy or a girl from your neighborhood stood first, the entire Anchal threw a party. BRB was the intellectual poster boy of Gorkha, the man with a PhD from JNU—the "communist heaven" of Indian academia. He was the "intellectual communist" who promised a revolution, but ended up as the Robin to Prachanda’s Batman ego.
Assault Rifles and Academic Irony
PhD in Destruction: A Marxist Analysis of Road Widening
It is a classic piece of Gorkhali sarcasm that a man educated by an Anglo-Indian Christian teacher later led a crew that burned schools to the ground. While our Nepal Police were defending posts with WWII rifles and broken landlines, the Maoists somehow had assault rifles and satellite phones.
We are told they looted banks, but let’s be honest: bank loot doesn't usually cover the roaming charges for a "People’s War". BRB thought he could change Nepal by targeting rural teachers and landowners while the truly corrupt netas and hakims "voluntarily" donated to his cause to stay safe. Years later, his only tangible legacy as Prime Minister is widening a few roads in Kathmandu and driving a "Made in Nepal" assembled Indian car.
The Freelance Revolution
Party Hopping: A Seventy-Year-Old’s Hobby
Now in his early 70s, BRB has officially quit his latest political party to become a "freelance" communist. He left the Maoists to start a party that went nowhere, joined another, and another, and has now hit the "Eject" button once more.
He has more resignations than most people have LinkedIn endorsements. We wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to join Harka Sampang’s party next, though Harka brother likely won’t give him the top post—he’s too busy whining about Bale. History will remember him not as a transformative leader, but as a "Padantey Neta" who stayed loyal to his party while the country paid the price of 17,000 lost lives.
The Boat Has Sailed
Balen, LKY, and the Academic Exit
The Maoists had their chance and screwed it up; the Nepali Congress remains the "original chor party," and the UML got to loot some after 2008! Meanwhile, the RSP has the mandate and Balen is being hailed as our potential Lee Kuan Yew (LKY).
Baburam simply missed the boat. Instead of trying to form yet another failed alliance, maybe it’s time for him to join Kathmandu University. He could teach "Regional Development"—strictly without the Marxist analysis this time. It’s time to trade the revolution for a lecture hall and leave the politics to those who don’t treat party membership like a seasonal subscription.
Jai Nepal!